My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize