come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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