just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
