Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
