This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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