I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
