Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
