You just made me feel so damn special
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
