Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
