you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
