Im at strip club and am horny
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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