What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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