Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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