Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
