Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
