Im at strip club and am horny
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
