Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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