Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
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Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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