he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
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You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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