i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
