Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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