I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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