No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
