If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
