How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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