so that wasnt chicken after all
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
