he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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