i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
