Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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