Your mouth is God's brothel.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
