just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
