White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
