i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
