Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
