I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
