Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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