All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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