Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
