I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
