Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
