i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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