you're like a bully in the Christmas story
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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