Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
