we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
