Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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