My first STD was from a foam party
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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