Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
