tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
