some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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