I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
