Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
