And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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