I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
