we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
