Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We need to get me chipped asap
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
