when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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