Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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