we're chasing vodka with high fives
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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