i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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