Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
