i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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