The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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