I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
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There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
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At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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