I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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