There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.