I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here