i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.