Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life