I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great