Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Randomize