thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
